Author and Artist Marianne Richmond

#3, #2, #1 ... and #4

Snapped this photo as our family took a walk at a local park last week.

I love watching the kids from afar ... when they're just 'being' as opposed to 'interacting."  All four of 'em, born within 6 years.  Each one, so full of life and personality and busyness.  I look at them, too, with their siblings.  These are the siblings they will carry with them for life, reflecting on their shared memories of being part of our family.  Remember when Adam stuffed the rock up his nose?  Remember when Cole got hit in the face with the baseball?  Remember when Julia swallowed a quarter?  Remember when Will stuck his finger in the light socket?  Remember how mom always wanted to go on those walks?

Mom

I've written a bit about my mom's Alzheimer's Dimentia.  Sad detour in the journey this week as my mom fell while getting out of her chair above.  Honestly think as he was getting up, she kind of just kept going ...  Dad called the ambulance and she stayed about 3 days there... as they tested her for this, that and the other thing.  While my dad -- also in his 80's -- was at the hospital, he decided to go for a stroll around the hospital hallways.  Mid-walk, he decided he was going to leave the hospital and go home.  (didn't mention that to anyone.)

He didn't get far, however, as he tripped while walking to the parking lot.  Fell down and hit his head and got 8 stitches in his forehead.  Smashed his glasses, too.  Lenscrafters can't make tri-focals in an hour -- so he will be waiting for nearly 3 weeks a new pair of specs.

Mom was then transferred to a rehab center.  She is confused, sad ... and missing her humble apartment.  It's hard to be faraway when life takes these turns for people we love.  Fortunately, my brother and my parents' caregiver are nearby.

While I find her journey heartbreakingly sad at times, I think she is mostly unaware of her demise and it's emotional impact on those around here.  That said, there are many gifts to be found during this final chapter ... lessons on how history fades to what's present.  How those disappointments of childhood don't seem so major ... and how, no matter how you feel about her, you have just one mom.

Celebrating moms everywhere ...

Savoring

As my youngest child nears kindergarten, I am realizing the truth of the cliches told me when I welcomed child #4 into the world with child #1 just 6 years old:  The years go so fast.   They grow up so quickly.  Though I had many trying days, here I am, on the brink of sending child #4 off to kindergarten next year and it feels, well, kind of sad and hard to believe.  He and I spend Wednesdays at home together.  That is my day off of work -- and his day home from preschool.  We both love Wednesdays as the day is ours to plan. We play a lot of games.  Do some errands.  Color or paint.  Venture out.  Though it is easy to be sucked into filling my day off with the never-ending to-do list -- I am painfully aware that next year, my "baby" will be at school and Wednesdays will be mine alone to fill.  A couple weeks ago, he and I went sledding mid-day and were the only ones on the entire hill!  What a fun adventure that was!  He and I agreed that the louder we yelled, the farther we'd fly! 

Nobody but us!

Self portrait!

 
My baby!

 

Being silly!

What else to do on a -30 degree day?  Paint summer!

Marching into the New Year

Well here we are -- facing another new year!  I will spare you the editorial about how this has been a challenging year  ... we all certainly know it!

I will, however, throw out the challenge of taking some time in the first weeks of  January to personally reflect on what might be different for you this year.  It does not have to be one big monumental thing like "lose 75 pounds".  Instead, perhaps, focus on some small changes that will mean a lot to you.  Here's a few for me.  I hesitate to go back a year for fear of seeing these were on there last year!!  :-)
1) Try to relax more about the things I can't control
2) Try to relax more about the things I can't control (this is intentionally repeated!)
3) Encourage my children to "work it out" and tell them I have confidence in them to do so!
4) Take a vacation with my husband
5) Practice contentment
6) Embrace aging (see numbers 1 and 2)
7) Give where I can
8) Spend time with those people who like me "as is" and quit trying to please the ones who don't.
9) Create from the heart
10) Learn the true art of doing nothing ... this is the version that comes guilt-free.
11) Learn to view clutter as "homey" versus "highly annoying"

Whew -- an ambitious list that I will hang on my wall once again.  Guess if I can make headway on a couple -- this will be a great year!  Happy New Year to you and yours!  -MR

Clay

A good friend of mine had to put her dog, Scout, to sleep yesterday afternoon.  Poor thing was a little more than 12 years old ... and hadn't, couldn't eat for more than a week, almost two.  She had been with her family for as long as they could remember and long before the three kids who now fill the house.  Naturally, it made me think of our dog, Clay, who is nearly 12 himself.  When I think of him not being around, I nearly start crying.  The funny thing, is, though ... Clay doesn't really interact with our family much -- he's very independent, kind of like the senior citizen who prefers his own routine ...

He comes to work with us every day and has for the past 10 years.  We live nearby,  and more days than not, Clay will decide he's done "working" with us ... and will head for home (we leave the front door of our office propped open...).  I've watched him walk to the road, wait for the cars to buzz by, and cross the street toward our home where I'll find him on the front step when I eventually get there after work.

He's predictable in so many ways:  he sleeps on the landing of the stairs or in his doghouse outside.  He doesn't like it when you watch him eat.  He HATES thunderstorms and lightening.  He only listens when Jim or I tell him what to do.  The kids can yell all they'd like and he will ignore them.  He knows how to shake and roll over when there's a treat to earn.  He prefers to stay at Sara's (our co-worker)  house when we go on vacation -- no one else will do.  Once we left him with our next-door neighbor and he spent the entire weekend on our front porch anyway.  He's pretty stinky in the summer as he likes the lake.  He doesn't need a leash when we run together and waits for me when I'm slower than he. 

We bought him (on sale!) when he was 3 months old.  (I had experienced a loss of my first pregnancy and was feeling lonely.)  He's more human than dog.  And much easier to discipline than our four children.  He ran away once on Christmas night ... was picked up by the police and taken to a veterinary hospital.  We found him there 3 days later after LOTS of calling around. 

He's predictable, smart, quirky, loyal, smelly and ours.  And JUST to pay homage, I included this spread in one of our new board books, Farm Kisses ...

The Contentment of Doing Nothing

Have you made time for this over the past few months? 

I admit, I'm not very good at this.  I seem to always be moving, picking up, putting away, preparing, creating, organizing, planning, anticipating, typing, painting  ...

So.  Yesterday I took out my floating chair, paddled to a spot far from shore, and drifted around.  I made it a point to purposely not think about anything.  And to let my mind float, too, wherever it desired.

It was Refreshing.  Rejuvenating.  Peaceful.  Comforting.  Fun.  Freeing.  And Fulfilling in a non-energetic kind of way. I received all that — by doing nothing.

Try it before September rolls in.

13 years of life

I've always kept a journal.  When I was a kid, it was the loose leaf notebook that told of me and my friend's whereabouts, my latest crush and other 7th grade concerns.  Through college, I wrote nearly every day in these little books -- just four lines or so of what was going on.  Then, as I got older, and computers replaced the pen or pencil, I started keeping my journal on my computer.  I started in 1995. 

For the next 493 pages and 13 years, I captured my life in thoughts and feelings.  The ups and downs of our business, the four miscarriages, and the birth of four healthy children.  There were days that told of me loving being a mom and other days that spoke of how hard the journey can be.

Then one day my hard drive crashed.  And my journal was gone into cyberspace.  I had a friend try to retrieve it from beyond.  Didn't work.   I then sent it to one data recovery service.  They failed, too.  Then, Robert at CBL Data Recovery in Atlanta miraculously retrieved my journal and e-mailed it to me along with the rest of my hard drive's contents.

Saved by the skin of my teeth.  So, you 'd think the fist thing I'd do is to back this document up?  Ya, you WOULD think.

Two years passed since that first date recovery.  I journaled two more years of life.  Then my hard drive crashed again.  And my friend, Robert, could not pull off a second miracle.  BUT -- he still had the copy of the journal he mailed to me TWO YEARS AGO.  And he re-sent it.  There's the miracle.

And that very day, I printed out the 493 pages of my life, thinking I'll have to write one huge, 2-year entry to capture what I have now lost since this version stopped in 2006.

I think I will go back to the loose leaf notebook method I used when I was 12.

Camp

Does he look old enough to be away at camp for a week? 

He thought so when his buddy asked him to go to sleep-away camp for a week in August.  I thought so, too, until I had to drop him off.  Then I wasn't so sure.  He's only nine.  And still likes his blanket.    "Hello!" greeting the counselors as I pulled into the parking lot behind 25 other cars doing the same.  "Welcome to camp!" 

(Can I do a u-turn and get out of here?)

We carried his belongings up to the Rock Bass cabin and I made his bed.  Or should I say I first wiped the sand away and pulled his sheet over a thin piece of foam pretending it was a mattress.  I spread out his sleeping bag and gave his pillow an extra fluff. 

(There's still time to forget this whole idea...)

We met his counselor named Friday.

(Did you say it's Friday?!  Time to come home!)

Then we walked around the camp a bit and I saw where he eats, plays kickball, and gets a giant, $1 ice cream cone.

(Did you know his favorite is Chocolate Chip cookie dough?)

I dropped off some "personal items" with the camp Nurse.

(Make sure you give him a half of glass of water with that!)

And then I said goodbye.  I hugged him extra tight and told him I would miss him so...  He hugged back, then looked away.  Was he fighting back tears?  I like to think he's missing me just as much.

I drove the 2.5 hours home with my daughter and her questions kept me company.  Believe it or not, the house is quieter with 3 kids versus 4.  I am not picking up Adam's wet beach towel in every room or his candy wrappers that he drops wherever he goes.  There's less fighting overall. 

I've sent 2 e-mails and one postcard in the past 24 hours.  My husband tells me how good this is for my son.  For his self sufficiency and blah, blah, blah.  But I'm a mom, no matter how good this is for him. 

(Four days, 6 hours until he's back).

Road Trip Memories

Just returned from a couple days on the road to attend a family reunion, visit friends, and visit more family.  Long hours in the car, passing time with DVDs, snacks, arguing, counting license plates, etc.  All these moments get strung together to create my kids' childhood.   I often wonder how they will remember it all.  What will they tell their friends (and spouses someday?!) about growing up in our family?  Will a 6 hour drive be remembered as a 16 hour drive?  Will they remember how they laughed themselves silly in the backseat?  Will they remember driving in rain and sometimes near-blizzard conditions on our way to and from family visits?  Will they remember their little brother's bloody nose that appeared out of nowhere?  Will they remember how excited they each got when we stopped at the  Kwik trip  because that meant a snack for each?  For myself, I know I will remember how much I love looking in the back seat and seeing this ...

and this...

Gutter Garden

As I was backing out of my driveway the other morning, I noticed there is a weed garden growing from my gutters.

That says a whole lot about life this summer. Every day full of work, errands, soccer practice, baseball games, play dates, packing for things, unpacking from things ... trying to squeeze out every ounce of summer pleasure.  No time for weeding my gutters.

Perhaps I'll just put a goat up there and him take care of things.

Happy 4th of July...